Certified (Revision)

edited October 15 in Poems
Revision

CERTIFIED

Bewildered
you drifted into a Nomen nescio
sphere of the mind.
Undefined space packed 
with psychedelic images, 
tragicomic paradoxes.

Regression to an earlier time
of diapers, bibs, drool, 
night terrors.
Doctors say you’re chancy, 
might set the house afire, 
slash me with the kitchen knife.
Really? 


When I whispered -Till tomorrow, honey, 
tears welled in my eyes: 
your mortifying -G’night, Mother 
stabbed my heart.
Wayward, outsize babe, 
snatched from my arms…

There’s a void in our home, 
-What now?
Twenty married years, 
so ephemeral, 
a fleeting presence by my side.
Must I reinvent myself?

Our cat dusts 
book-lined corridors
with her Siamese fur, 
ponders ‘Don Quixote’ yearningly, 
then whiskers your pillows, 
sleeps under them.

She and I need our zany, 
quixotic cavalier, 
even if you've been…
‘Certified’.


Note: Nomen nescio: No name, Lt. 


CERTIFIED

Bewildered
you drifted into a Nomen nescio
sphere of the mind.
Undefined space packed
with psychedelic images,
strange babble,
tragicomic paradoxes.

Regression to an earlier time
of diapers, bibs, drool,
goodies and night terrors.
Doctors say you’re chancy,
might set the house afire,
slash me with the kitchen knife.
Me? You?
Not so.

When I whispered -Till tomorrow, honey,
tears welled in my eyes:
your mortifying -G’night, Mother
stabbed at my heart.
Wayward, outsize babe,
snatched from my arms…

There’s a void in our home,
a -What now?
Twenty married years,
so ephemeral,
a fleeting presence by my side.
Must I reinvent myself?

Our cat dusts
book-lined corridors
with her Siamese fur,
ponders ‘Don Quixote’ yearningly,
then whiskers your pillows,
sleeps under them.

She and I need our zany,
quixotic cavalier,
even if you've been…
‘Certified’.


Note: Nomen nescio: No name, Lt. 

Comments

  • Posts: 192
    :(
  • Posts: 0
    Gracy, thank you for sharing this. One cannot criticize the one who suffers. I think you will revise this in the future, when fewer words, less "telling" and more subtlety will better convey the intensity of your sorrow and sense of loss. You have my empathy nevertheless.
    Thanked by 1Gracy
  • Posts: 192
    Hi Ottawan,
    Of course you can criticize my poem. When I write about sad, personal experiences, I certainly would be willing
    to hone it down a little. That would, in theory, please my hubby, who was a great poet himself. He never
    lost opportunities to crit my stuff!
    Looking at my poem, I already see for myself some extra lines or words that should be eliminated.
    I'll be tweaking it very soon.
    Thanks for your empathy. My husband's dementia lasted 15 years, it was not Alzeheimer's. It was clogged 
    arteries in the brain. After 7 years, I was obliged to put him in a nursing-home. He was considered a
    danger to the edifice, where other people lived.
    Best,
    Gracy
  • Posts: 0
    Gracy - this is very heartfelt and touching - your lines are economical and just right to express the angst and love here.  Best - RC
    Thanked by 1Gracy
  • edited October 12 Posts: 192
    Thank you, James. It's heartfelt, but I'll be tweaking it a little.
    Best, Gracy
  • I felt exceptional sorrow in the poem. Besides feelings you did word it well.  Yes the first time I read it I felt it longish then read the comments & to me the poem is actually poem 1 & 2. The division may occur between the 3rd  verse and the 4th.

    Also I think the title for the original poem may be better with Nomen nescio

    Thanked by 1Gracy
  • Posts: 192
    Hi Alex,
    Thank you for your suggestions. Yes, it's full of sorrow. Dementia is horrible. To see an intelligent person with a physicion's degree and ongoing practice, suddenly "lose it" (after his 3rd. major heart surgery and likely due to prolonged anasthesia) is devastating.
    I've erased some lines and will think about your idea of changing the title. It's a little shorter now. 
    Will mull over other changes.
    Best, Gracy
  • A very moving and believable poem, Gracy, one that shows both sides of the coin, with the tragic loss apparent to subject, speaker and reader. It's particularly poignant because the loss to the suffering person is palpable, so very sad.

    Your poem is totally accessible, allowing the reader to sink into the sentiments without them actually being overly sentimental.

    The only word that REALLY jarred was 'yearningly'. It seems deliberately poetical and melodramatic. I noticed it immediately.

    On a minor note I reckon, 'stabbed at my heart' could be warmed up a bit. It's quite a common expression.

    Overall, a most convincing and moving piece that really hits the mark.


    Best


    JJ


    CERTIFIED

    Bewildered
    you drifted into a Nomen nescio
    sphere of the mind.
    Undefined space packed 
    with psychedelic images, 
    tragicomic paradoxes.

    Regression to an earlier time
    of diapers, bibs, drool, 
    night terrors.
    Doctors say you’re chancy, 
    might set the house afire, 
    slash me with the kitchen knife.
    Really? 


    When I whispered -Till tomorrow, honey, 
    tears welled in my eyes: 
    your mortifying -G’night, Mother 
    stabbed my heart.
    Wayward, outsize babe, 
    snatched from my arms…

    There’s a void in our home, 
    -What now?
    Twenty married years, 
    so ephemeral, 
    a fleeting presence by my side.
    Must I reinvent myself?

    Our cat dusts 
    book-lined corridors
    with her Siamese fur, 
    ponders ‘Don Quixote’ yearningly, 
    then whiskers your pillows, 
    sleeps under them.

    She and I need our zany, 
    quixotic cavalier, 
    even if you've been…
    ‘Certified’.

    Thanked by 1Gracy
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