Moonlight Medallion (revision)

edited October 2 in Poems
At her feet
fall leaves,
like the rest of her days
in the convent,
lie ready
to concede death’s
resolution.

Pine needles,
like glass in the moonlight,
falling in front of the screen
in a winter’s weave,
puncture her rhythms.
Her life’s tedium,
the constant standing by,
though a dedicated wife
of the Lord
bears no relief.
She’s a sentinel over
breathing ruins.

Her thoughts graze a full moon,
linger with each meager insight;
past visión she imagines lunar dust.
The pale crystal sphere
expands
beyond this sky,
beyond any life
gone before or to come,
an insistent medallion,
on loan,
around infinity’s neck.
Thanked by 1Gracy

Comments

  • Posts: 0
    Hi James,
    Lovely poem, though I'm not sure who "she" is. First I thought of a statue, maybe even the Statue of 
    Liberty, but that's way off, considering the following stanzas. My bad,
    In S2 I think you mean "wafted". I couldn't find anything similar.
    The deft word usage and imagery are enough to please me.
    Best,
    Gracy 

  • Posts: 322
    Gracy - Thanks for your response - you're right on "weft" - I never thought "she" needed to be identified - it would make for a longer poem, and I think the context says enough in that respect.  Best - Richard
  • Now this is from the gut feelings. It sounds overly descriptive & impersonal despite the "she". Also 2 "like" in the 1st and 2nd stanzas may be too close. A simile might help. I'd like to relate closer to "who" "she' is. I see u explained to the previous reader but I still feel a certain detachment without human empathy... not even sympathy.
  • I found this a little difficult to follow, RC, having to backtrack a couple of times to try to discover your meaning.

    Some of the imagery is compelling but abstract. I couldn't, for example, relate to 'phantom leaves' in S1.

    I wouldn't know a phantom leaf it bit me on the ahem! I do like the idea of it, though.


    If I'm honest, and I freely concede that it might just be me, I struggled to follow S2 & S3. I found the imagery most interesting

    but I kept waiting for the reveal, premise, central point; all of which seemed lost to the abstract. EG 'Her thoughts graze a full moon"

    is a curious line. Is she thinking about the moon? I'm not sure of its raison d'etre.

    Overall, I struggled to connect, yet I wanted to. There seems to be something significant lurking beneath the surface.

    Hope some of this helps.

    Best

    JJ


  • Posts: 0
    I have only just read this for the first time, and some of the earlier comments above have apparently been dealt with in this revision. As to the identity of the  protagonist in this narrative, I am satisfied that "she" is an elderly and disenchanted nun.
    I like the extended figure of the moon in the last stanza — perhaps an image representing her emerging clarity of spiritual vision?
    Russ S.
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