Homeless (revised)

edited January 3 in Poems
The tiny mouse that lived inside
my dry stone wall is petrified.
Her body couldn't bear the frost
and there she lies, preserved and lost,
inside my dry stone wall.

The pygmy shrew that found a heap
of brittle leaves falls sound asleep.
The snuffling mite consumed his last
then snuggled down to face his fast
inside the heap of leaves.

The jenny wren that settled in
the ivy quilt is plume and skin.
Her shivering frame has acquiesced
because she hadn't built a nest
inside the ivy quilt.

The feral cat that prowls around
my broken fence slips on the ground.
The frozen earth defies his claw
and winter's freeze has sliced his paw
around my broken fence.

Now I sit in my cosy house
to think about the tiny mouse,
the shrew, the wren and feral cat
then place some balls of grain and fat
outside my cosy house.


Original

The tiny mouse that lived inside

my dry stone wall is petrified.

Her body couldn't bear the chill

and there she lies forever still,

inside my dry stone wall.



The pygmy shrew that found a heap

of brittle leaves fell sound asleep.

The snuffling mite consumed his last

then snuggled down to face his fast

inside the heap of leaves.



The jenny wren that settled in

the ivy quilt is plume and skin.

Her shivering frame has acquiesced

because she hadn't built a nest

inside the ivy quilt.



The feral cat that prowls around

my broken fence slips on the ground.

The frozen earth defies his claw

and winter's freeze has robbed his store

around my broken fence.



Now I sit in my cosy house

to think about the tiny mouse,

the shrew, the wren and feral cat

then place some balls of grain and fat

outside my cosy house.

Comments

  • Posts: 0
    Simple poem, very very nice rhyme scheme. 

    ...but to me I do not read homeless ...I read 'home'...the place a creature lives and dies in.

    I think you are saying the speaker would prefer to not have the poor creatures die in his house, hah. 
    I cannot for the life of me suggest a different title.
  • Thanks, Carol

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with your interp' at all. I like it very much.

    I was thinking that the creatures do not have the gift of foresight, at least not in the way we are able to predict the weather, and consequently fail to prepare for the extra hard frost. Had they but prepared a suitable home, like a nest etc they would have avoided death. However, the speaker realises he can simply sit in his house and do nothing, or he can take some action to help. So, he places some high energy food around the garden to help the creatures through the hard times. It's easy to do nothing, and we often do. We can't provide a home but we can help a bit, even if it's just in some small way. It's an extended metaphor for the hard times people face, and how inertia sometimes prevents us from raising a helping hand. I include myself in this btw.

    Happy new year!!

    Best

    JJ

  • Posts: 0
    JJ - Very effective rhyme - nothing forced - no drop in interest for this reader - a steady well thought out theme and scheme - I've always seen  "cosy" with a z - is this the standard British spelling?  RC
  • Thanks, RC, for reading and commenting. Always appreciated.

    Yes, we spell cosy with an 's' rather than a 'z', even though many publishers now use the US version. I could change the spelling for the purpose of IBPC, no prob's at all. I've already submitted a request for the revised version to make the journey.

    Best

    JJ

  • Posts: 0
    I Like it a Lot!
    I too put out seeds, suet and water for the birds and animals.

    Kenny A. Chaffin
    "Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
  • Thanks, Kenny

    Yes, it's that time of year.

    Best

    JJ

Sign In or Register to comment.